Birthday Chicken

My Aunt Terry was turning forty and my mother and grandmother planned a party in her honor, whether she wanted one or not. Nan came over with the intention of discussing the menu two days before the festivities.

My grandmother knew how to cook. My mother knew how to overcook and undercook.

When Nan arrived, my mother was working in our driveway.
“I’m baking lasagna,” said Mom, without looking up from a crooked side table she was painting white. He new habit was spending Saturday and Sunday mornings cruising garage sales for “gently used” (beat up) furniture. After painting her new treasures white they were stored in our garage for future use.
“Well, I’m cooking leg of lamb,” said Nan. “Terry loves lamb.” She added. We all knew this was true as did my mother but she wasn’t the type to concede anything. Not ever.
They argued back and forth for a while until Nan suggested cornflake chicken. Mom said “Oh fine,” as if backing down and lowering her sword.

While not a personal favorite of mine I was happy they agreed on anything. There was nothing wrong with cornflake chicken. I did have texture. I just couldn’t unite poultry with a breakfast cereal and feel satisfied.

The day of the party arrived. That morning Mom went shopping for twenty pounds of chicken pieces. She lugged the bags onto the kitchen counter and she and Nan went to work. I was given the job of crushing a box of cornflakes with Mom’s rolling pin until the flakes were as small as breadcrumbs.
The next step was mixing yogurt and mayo. Nan dipped the chicken pieces in the mixture and then rolled them in the cornflakes. She spread them out on a baking sheet and put them in the fridge for the time being.

With the remainder of the mayo, Mom made her famous seafood salad. This was basically boiled shrimp and snow peas in mayonnaise.

Condiments can reveal quite a bit about a person. Our fridge displayed a preference for mustard. There may have been seven types of mustard at any one time and maybe a bottle of Heinz ketchup. Rarely was mayo present, unless company was joining us for dinner.

When the guests arrived they drank wine and tried to find a place to stand around the rented tables and folding chairs we had packed into our living room. At my mom’s request I passed platters of egg rolls. The guests dipped their egg rolls in a dish of neon orange duck sauce. They mingled and drank more wine without interruption.

The real excitement was in the kitchen. The agitation between my mother and grandmother kept increasing. It started as little snippy comments and grew to outright anger. Inside our double oven, chicken pieces sizzled.
Nan and Mom rushed around the kitchen island flinging plates. Mom opened one oven, pulled out a hot pan and announced that the chicken was cooked.

Nan disagreed “Those chickens have to cook for one hour and it has only been forty minutes!” This attention to detail was the missing part of my mother’s cooking. She was known for burning or undercooking every meal. Time was not her friend.

Nan didn’t worry about whether time was her buddy; she always used a timer. She knew that those chicken pieces were raw and she had logic on her side.

Mom had a glint in her eye that she seemed to reserve only for my grandmother. “I say they are done! If you had your way you would cook them to death!”
As Mom turned off the oven, Nan stormed out of the kitchen door. I heard her car ignition turn on and she drove off.

Mom then turned to me as if I were her accomplice and commanded: “Let’s get them onto plates.”
Her eyes, already large, looked like huge frying pans and I was afraid to say anything. The chicken parts sat on the counter awaiting their fate. I was young enough that I couldn’t challenge my mother or point out that maybe we should check more carefully.

My grandmother had taught me how to check for doneness so I twisted a leg to see if the juices ran clear. These juices were bloody. I put a fork into a thigh and saw the unmistakable pink of raw chicken.

Nonetheless, My Mom and I plated the chicken parts on my mother’s Tiffany china and proceeded to serve it to our guests.

As far as I know, no one died or was hospitalized after this meal. Since these were my aunt’s friends, they were both polite and prudent. I imagine they drank lots of wine and didn’t touch the food on their plates.

Cornflake Chicken

8 chicken pieces (thighs and legs)
4 cups cornflakes
½ cup mayonnaise
½ cup plain yogurt
1 ½ teaspoon paprika
salt
pepper

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Rinse the chicken in cold water, pat dry and season with salt and pepper.

Crush the cornflakes by placing them in a plastic bag, and running over the flakes with a rolling pin. Pour the crushed flakes onto a plate.

In a bowl mix the mayo with the yogurt and paprika.

Dip each chicken piece in the mayo mixture and then in the flakes.

Arrange the pieces on a baking sheet and place in a hot oven. Cook for one hour.

The juices should run clear when the meat is pierced with a knife.